party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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