hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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