she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
