i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
