i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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