Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
