Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
