I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
my liver is dry heaving
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
