you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
