I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
