my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
