i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize