the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
