Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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