do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
