So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Buhtt sex?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
