I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
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But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
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Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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