Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The adults are the big ones right?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
