Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
