Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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