Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
