Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
