What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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