I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
