I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize