Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
