Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
