he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
