I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you had me at cake vodka
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
