The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
