I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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