my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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