Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
