I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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