No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you had me at cake vodka
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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