is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
