her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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