fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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