We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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