Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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