I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
