If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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