oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
