this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
