And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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