Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
