I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
