i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
