we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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