no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
