she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
