Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think I won the penis lottery.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
