im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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