WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
