1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
NoShamevember. You game?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
