fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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