still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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