Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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