I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
