You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
