He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
