So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
