can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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