She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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