he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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