Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
