Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
