I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
