so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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