you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
