don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
