They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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