Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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