My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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