I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
