When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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