around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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