I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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