I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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