All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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