apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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